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Here you have it, the answer to the one burning question that has been at the forefront of everyone's minds since Barack Obama took office and people stopped caring about politics. Oh, people started caring? Oops, my bad. Anyway, these are the top ten lamest Guinness Book records to date.
10. Gordon Mattinson from Cumbria in the U.K. is the world champion gurner. What is gurning? Basically making ugly faces to scare all the kiddies. Who knew that you could win a world title trying to look like some poor schmuck with about every birth defect on record?
9. Jim Lyngvild of Copenhagen, Denmark shattered the previously held record for eating the most Ferrero Rocher chocolates in one minute by achieving an amazing seven. The previous record was... well, there was no previous record, because most people have better things to do.
8. David Ciliberti of Italy wrote a book whose title is 290 words, or 1,433 characters. The full title is in Italian (weird) and goes like this: "Per favore dite a mia madre che faccio il pubblicitario lei pensa che sono un pierre e che quindi regalo manciate di free entry e consumazioni gratis a chi mi pare, rido coi vips, i calciatori le veline e le giornaliste, leggo Novella e mi fotografano i paparazzi, entro neI privé saltando la coda, bevo senza pagare, sono ghiotto di tartine e gin tonic, ho la casa piena di oggetti di design, conosco Paris Hilton, Tom Ford ed Emilio." I have no idea what the hell that means, but it's apparently got something to do with Paris Hilton, which ruins it for any normal human being, so I think it's safe to say this book isn't on anyone's bestseller list.
7. In the same vein, I must have been crazy to think that Guinness Book is just out to document other people's stupid records with complete disregard for their own. This one should probably be on the top of my list, but we'll give them the benefit of the doubt that someone has done something lamer than this. Here goes, number 7: Guinness Book of World Records officially hold the record for the best selling copyright book. Here's the actual plug from the website: "In November 2003, Guinness World Records celebrated the publication of its 100 millionth copy! This confirms that, excluding non-copyright works such as the Bible and the Koran, the definitive book of world records is the world's best selling book. It was first published in October 1955 by Guinness Superlatives, a subsidiary of Arthur Guinness Son Co. (Park Royal) Ltd and has since gone global, selling in some 37 languages.Comparatively, the five Harry Potter books to date have sold over 100 million copies, and Mao Tse-Tung's Little Red Book was sold or given away to around 900 million." Now, go amaze your friends.
6. The largest collection of airplane sick bags (aka hack sacks) is owned by Niek K. Vermeulen of the Netherlands. His collection is 5,468 hack sacks strong. Let's just hope they're not used.
5. Ritsumeikan Asia Pacific University in Japan holds the record for most nationalities in a sauna at one time. The number? 57. I think they were just trying to solve the age-old question of which nationality has the biggest wiener.
4. Here's one for all the American patriots. The largest hamburger available for purchase comes from Mallie's Sports Bar & Grill in Michigan. The beast weighs 164.8 pounds and costs $399.00. This is actually a pretty amazing feat if you think about it, but it's on the lamest records list because Americans spend a shitload of time wondering why everyone thinks we're all fat over here. Well, wonder no more.
3. Number 3 is just mindblowing because, after number 4, Michigan couldn't get any fatter, could it? Wrong. The largest sandwich ever was made by Wild Woody's Chill and Grill, also in Michigan, in 2005. It weighed 5,440 pounds. Seriously, that fucker probably went bad before it was eaten, which also proves the point that Americans are wasteful. Rock on, America- complain about stereotypes and then prove them right. Awesome.
2. The record for the most kicks to one's own head is 77. Need I say more?
1. Ahh, number 1... "The record for the most snails to remain on the face for 10 seconds is eight and was achieved by Alastair Galpin (New Zealand) at The Warehouse shop in Sylvia Park, Auckland, New Zealand, on 27 October 2007." Snails, really? Maybe try something truly horrifying, like coconut crabs, or something that moves a little faster and is therefore more difficult to keep in one spot.
There you have it folks... the top then lamest Guiness Book Records. Now, get out there and do something dumber!
10. Gordon Mattinson from Cumbria in the U.K. is the world champion gurner. What is gurning? Basically making ugly faces to scare all the kiddies. Who knew that you could win a world title trying to look like some poor schmuck with about every birth defect on record?
9. Jim Lyngvild of Copenhagen, Denmark shattered the previously held record for eating the most Ferrero Rocher chocolates in one minute by achieving an amazing seven. The previous record was... well, there was no previous record, because most people have better things to do.
8. David Ciliberti of Italy wrote a book whose title is 290 words, or 1,433 characters. The full title is in Italian (weird) and goes like this: "Per favore dite a mia madre che faccio il pubblicitario lei pensa che sono un pierre e che quindi regalo manciate di free entry e consumazioni gratis a chi mi pare, rido coi vips, i calciatori le veline e le giornaliste, leggo Novella e mi fotografano i paparazzi, entro neI privé saltando la coda, bevo senza pagare, sono ghiotto di tartine e gin tonic, ho la casa piena di oggetti di design, conosco Paris Hilton, Tom Ford ed Emilio." I have no idea what the hell that means, but it's apparently got something to do with Paris Hilton, which ruins it for any normal human being, so I think it's safe to say this book isn't on anyone's bestseller list.
7. In the same vein, I must have been crazy to think that Guinness Book is just out to document other people's stupid records with complete disregard for their own. This one should probably be on the top of my list, but we'll give them the benefit of the doubt that someone has done something lamer than this. Here goes, number 7: Guinness Book of World Records officially hold the record for the best selling copyright book. Here's the actual plug from the website: "In November 2003, Guinness World Records celebrated the publication of its 100 millionth copy! This confirms that, excluding non-copyright works such as the Bible and the Koran, the definitive book of world records is the world's best selling book. It was first published in October 1955 by Guinness Superlatives, a subsidiary of Arthur Guinness Son Co. (Park Royal) Ltd and has since gone global, selling in some 37 languages.Comparatively, the five Harry Potter books to date have sold over 100 million copies, and Mao Tse-Tung's Little Red Book was sold or given away to around 900 million." Now, go amaze your friends.
6. The largest collection of airplane sick bags (aka hack sacks) is owned by Niek K. Vermeulen of the Netherlands. His collection is 5,468 hack sacks strong. Let's just hope they're not used.
5. Ritsumeikan Asia Pacific University in Japan holds the record for most nationalities in a sauna at one time. The number? 57. I think they were just trying to solve the age-old question of which nationality has the biggest wiener.
4. Here's one for all the American patriots. The largest hamburger available for purchase comes from Mallie's Sports Bar & Grill in Michigan. The beast weighs 164.8 pounds and costs $399.00. This is actually a pretty amazing feat if you think about it, but it's on the lamest records list because Americans spend a shitload of time wondering why everyone thinks we're all fat over here. Well, wonder no more.
3. Number 3 is just mindblowing because, after number 4, Michigan couldn't get any fatter, could it? Wrong. The largest sandwich ever was made by Wild Woody's Chill and Grill, also in Michigan, in 2005. It weighed 5,440 pounds. Seriously, that fucker probably went bad before it was eaten, which also proves the point that Americans are wasteful. Rock on, America- complain about stereotypes and then prove them right. Awesome.
2. The record for the most kicks to one's own head is 77. Need I say more?
1. Ahh, number 1... "The record for the most snails to remain on the face for 10 seconds is eight and was achieved by Alastair Galpin (New Zealand) at The Warehouse shop in Sylvia Park, Auckland, New Zealand, on 27 October 2007." Snails, really? Maybe try something truly horrifying, like coconut crabs, or something that moves a little faster and is therefore more difficult to keep in one spot.
There you have it folks... the top then lamest Guiness Book Records. Now, get out there and do something dumber!
